Let’s start at the very beginning

Salutations reader! I feel that I have to start at the beginning. Without a bit of background information, you will be lost in the labyrinth of my life and where the journey takes me. Here are my earliest memories.

So, I am from Ontario and came to Alberta at age 3. I remember being in a shelter for Christmas of 1989. I remember the red mesh stocking full of candies hanging on the white door to the suite and watching Cinderella on a projector screen and the big box of toys I got. The pink elephant with a flower on it’s ear was a companion for many years.

Of course, I didn’t know it was a shelter for battered women and children or why we are here. I think I remember crying about leaving a lot of toys behind. But not the abuse between my parents, to me or the flight. I don’t remember my dad. Later on in my childhood get shown pictures of him and told he was adopted, he was a trucker and drank a lot a lot. That he hurt me, in every way, and hurt my mom. He was a bad man.

I remember the first time I saw Land Before Time and cried when Little Foot’s mother died. I watched it with a few other kids and it wasn’t my house. There was a mean lady who put diapers on me because I wet the bed. I woke up once in a panic because I couldn’t get the diaper off and afraid of getting in trouble for soaking it.

I remember walking down a hallway in the Family Centre with a short lady and we play in a room filled with lots of toys. A microphone hangs down from the ceiling in the middle of the room and there is a big mirror on one of the walls. I was very curious about these. I asked about them and found them distracting.  First play therapy session?

I remember waking up from a nap and seeing my mom and some guy in the living room pull out couch having sex. I sneak back to my room. I recall not being very nice to this guy. I didn’t like him. I like the toy cars that fill an old toaster box and my stuffed animals and having a “imaginary friend” Sarah. Sarah had curly hair and we had tonnes of other sisters that we played with in this one bedroom apartment. My mother later mentioned that she saw Sarah too. I think Sarah was an angel and was real.

I also remember around this time I had my first trip to emergency. I had a white plastic mouse, like a cartoon Jerry, as a Christmas decoration on the handle of the metal folding closet doors in my room. I really had a strong desire to have this nose too. I pulled it off, a 1-2 inch long plastic needle like peice with a round tip. Next, I remember freaking out, being restrained by nurses and doctors and screaming for my mom who was in the doorway. I told everyone who would listen for years after that it went into my tummy and was still in there. In reality, the emerg doctor had to extract this peice of plastic with a suction tube. To this day, I hate having anything in my nose, I despize using nasal spray and cannot handle seeing anyone snorting anything up their nasal passages.

I’m sure once I apply for my own child welfare file I can better understand what was going on and how I came to Alberta and ended up in the foster care system.